 |
Arranging overnight stays for children can be a worry for some parents, especially if it is their first overnight stay. However, having overnight stays are important for children and helps their personal development, growth and independence. These worries can be worse for the parents of young people, and parents worry about where and with who their teenagers/children want to stay overnight with and what they are up to. Sometimes parents worry that their older children may not be where they say they are and are using an overnight stay as an excuse to go out or to a party. In order to put your mind at ease and ensure that your child is safe and well looked after this page gives you some basic advice and information about overnight stays. What to do, what to ask for and tips about how to keep things safe. There are several things to look at and think about when considering letting your child stay overnight at a friend’s house. These include: Maturity Before arranging for your child to spend the night away from home, consider whether he/she really is mature enough to do so. There’s no specific age at which it’s O.K. Many 8-year-olds do just fine, though some do better hosting other children in their own homes before venturing away from home themselves. Experience In determining your child’s readiness for an overnight stay, consider their prior experiences. Some children are old hands at being away from home, having spent time with grandparents or aunts and uncles. Others have rarely been separated from their parents. For these kids, a gradual progression from overnights with relatives to overnights with friends is recommended. Willingness Some children are outgoing and eager for adventure. Others are homebodies. If your child shows no interest in an overnight stay, don’t push them. Wait until the time is right. This can be a surprisingly difficult call. Flexibility The first few times your child spends the night away from home, have a backup plan—in case they get homesick or proves to be a handful for the host. Always leave a phone number and contact details for where you can be reached. You may want to make arrangements to be ‘open’ so that you can quickly go to the house if need be. In any case, make sure your child understands that you will not be disappointed or angry if they decide at 2 a.m. that it’s time to come home. Information sharing It’s not enough to tell the host that your child goes to bed at nine or that they like oatmeal for breakfast. List all the particulars of your child’s routines, especially those associated with bedtime. Don’t assume that your child will be able to tell this information accurately. Even if their routine is altered slightly for the occasion, a host who knows the routine will find it easier to calm an anxious child or otherwise intervene. Special needs If your child will need to take medication during the stay, provide the host with clear, written instructions. Mention special dietary concerns as well. And be clear about the situations in which you would like to be called. Do you expect a phone call if your child is unable to settle in for the night? If they have a minor injury? Better to be clear about your preferences in such matters than to leave the host guessing. Some parents put together booklets containing all the information a host might need about their children. In addition to doctors’ phone numbers and relevant medical information, the booklet might include details about a child’s personality quirks, how they typically responds in various situations, and the discipline strategies that usually work best. This may sound like overkill, but parents often say that their children’s hosts have appreciated getting an “overnight info packet.” Advice for Parents and carers
· The bottom line is that the first overnight stay for a child often proves to be harder on the parents than on the child. But try not to worry. It’s all part of growing up! Advice for parents of teenagers The teenage year can bring a lot of added worries, anxieties and conflict between parents and their older children. In addition to the advice and information given above, parents of teenagers can find more information which can help on the ‘Boundary Setting’ and ‘Independence & Growing Up’ pages of this website. Downloads Overnight stay checklist: This checklist gives you a few bullet points regarding the kinds of things parents and carers should consider when their child is staying over at a friend’s house. Including advise around contact details, emergencies, special needs etc. Links Parentline Plus is a national charity that works for, and with, parents and families. They can offer parents and carers a range of advise and information regarding a range of parenting issues, including over nights stays. To find out more visit the website and look around. Parentline Plus also have a free advice line which can offer advise and support to parents. Contact Tel: 0808 800 2222 Parents Online (POL) is a web site for parents, by parents. It can offer a range of information and advise regarding parenting issues to do with young children. The parents centre can provide parents and carers with information and advise about over night stays. UKParents.co.uk is a network and community of parents and people wanting to become parents. Through the website parents and carers can access information and talk to other parents around the UK about a range of issues. |
