Many people will have heard about children and young people self harming, deliberately harming themselves. This can be very worrying to parents and carers who may not understand why their children self harm and what they can do about it. This page therefore tries to give you information and advice which can help.

Why do young people harm themselves?

Self-harming is a way of dealing with very difficult feelings that build up inside. People say different things about why they do it:

• Some say that they have been feeling desperate about a problem and don't know where to turn for help. They feel trapped and helpless. Self-harming helps them to feel more in control.
• Some people talk of feelings of anger or tension that get bottled up inside, until they feel like exploding. Self-harming helps to relieve the tension that they feel.
• Feelings of guilt or shame may also become unbearable. Self-harming is way of punishing oneself.
• Some people try to cope with very upsetting experiences, such as trauma or abuse, by convincing themselves that the upsetting event(s) never happened. These people sometimes suffer from feelings of `numbness' or `deadness'. They say that they feel detached from the world and their bodies, and that self-harming is a way of feeling more connected and alive.

What parents can do?

Anyone who is harming themselves is struggling to cope and needs help. Self-harming is often kept secret - even from friends or family. The person feels so ashamed, guilty or bad that they can't face talking about it. There may be clues, such as refusing to wear short sleeves or to take off clothing for sports etc.

If you are a parent, you can help by:

• Recognising signs of distress, and finding some way of talking with the young person about how they are feeling. 
• Listening to their worries and problems, and taking them seriously.
• Offering sympathy and understanding.
• Helping with solving problems.
• Staying calm and in control of your feelings.
• Being clear about the risks of self-harm - making sure they know that, with help, it will be possible to stop once the underlying problems have been sorted out.
• Making sure they get the right kind of help as soon as possible.

It's important to make sure that the young person feels that they have someone they can talk to and get support from when they need it. Otherwise, there is a risk they will harm themselves instead. It's important to ask whether parents and family will be able to give the support that's needed. This may be difficult if there are a lot of problems or arguments at home. As a parent, you may be too upset or angry to be able to give the help that is needed. If so, you should seek advice from your general practitioner.

For more information see the download section below.

Where to get help for your child

Visiting your GP is the first point of call: they will assess if any medication will help and may decide to make a referral to psychiatric or mental health support.

Parents and carers can also self refer a child or young person to the Specialist CAMHS (The NHS Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service), who may offer appropriate support like art therapy, counselling or family therapy. See the ‘Depression and Mental Health’ page for more information about CAMHS, the services they can offer, criteria for referral and contact details. It is also possible for other agencies and organisations like schools, Connexions, GP’s etc to make a referral to CAMHS.

If your child is taken to a hospital accident and emergency department because they have self harmed, they will normally be offered the opportunity to see a member of on-call psychiatric staff.

Brighton & Hove also have a Specialist Connexions Advisor for young people worried about their mental health, such as; depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, lack of motivation, self-harming, bereavement and any young person with a mental health diagnosis. For more information contact:

Specialist Connexions Personal Advisor

YPC Young People's Centre, 69 Ship Street, Brighton, BN1 1AE

Tel. 01273 887886 

There are also several youth support services in Brighton & Hove which can offer advice, help and support to young people regarding any issue. These include the Youth Advice Centre, Young People’s Centre and Safe and Sorted who also have access to counselling services for young people. See the ‘Map of Service’ for more information. 

The Samaritans also run a national phone support and listening service, and have a high level of knowledge on self harming. Tel: 08457 90 90 90.

Where to get help for yourself

Parents and carers can always speak to their GP for more information and advice about self harming. There are many websites which offer a range of information and advice for parents and carers and identifies where you can access support. Alternatively visit the ‘Mental Health’ page on this website for further information about other mental health services and national charities who can offer advice and support.

www.parentlineplus.org.uk/

Parentline Plus gives parents and carers a range of advice and information about self harming and signposts you to where you can get more advice and support.

www.theparentroom.co.uk/

The Parent Room offers parents the opportunity to share hints, tips, ideas and experiences.

www.direct.gov.uk/Parents/

The Direct.gov website provides parents with a range of information and advice about a variety of issues, including self harming.

www.nch.org.uk/information/index.php?i=136

The National Children’s Homes website has a lot of information about self harming which can help parents and carers. Their website offers advice about frequently asked questions and sign posts where parents and carers can access help and support.

Downloads

Deliberate self harming in young people: This factsheet from the Royal College of Psychiatrists provides parents and carers with more information about self harming and where parents and carers can get help.

Self Harming: Tips on what to do: This download provides parents and carers with a bit more advice and information about what you can do if your child is self harming. However, you should always seek professionals and specialist advice and support, see the links above for more information.

Links

www.siari.co.uk/

The Self Injury and Related Issues website aims to raise awareness about self-injury, as well as offering hope, support, and information to those who self-injure, their families, and those who work alongside people who hurt themselves. The site provides one of the most comprehensive sources of information and resources currently available on self-injury/self-harm and related issues, and will be of value to anyone wanting to gain insight into the complex and much-misunderstood phenomenon of self-injury, and the issues that surround it.

www.youngminds.org.uk/selfharm/

Young minds is a website designed for young people to give them information about a range of mental health issues. The site has lots of links and information about self harming for young people and parents.

www.bbc.co.uk/health/conditions/mental_health/emotion_selfharm.shtml

The BBC website offers a wide range of advice and information about all sorts of mental health issues including self harming. Their site explains what self harming is, why it happens and what parents and carers can do about it.

www.selfharmuk.org/

The selfharmuk website gives you information about a national enquiry into young people and self harming. How it happens, how often it happens and why young people self harm.

www.selfharm.org.uk/

Self harm.org provides young people who self harm, their friends, family and professionals information and advice about self harming.

www.thesite.org/healthandwellbeing/mentalhealth/selfharm/stopselfharming

This website gives great practical information and advice about self harming and what you could do.

www.mind.org.uk

Mind is an organization which provides a lot of information and advice about mental health issues. Mind also campaigns for better understanding in society about mental health issues and the need for more services to help support people who are experiencing difficulties.

www.childline.org.uk/pdfs/info-self-harm.pdf

Childline have had years of experience of supporting young people who self harm. They have a lot of information and advice which can help.

www.selfharmalliance.org

The Self Harm Alliance website offers a range of advice and information about self harming for young people, parents/carers and professionals.

www.nshn.co.uk/

The National Self Harm Network is a survivor-led organisation which offers support to survivors and people who self-harm. The NSHN also support the people it indirectly affects, like family and friends, offering a place where they can discuss the issue and gain effective support through the forums available on the website.

www.samaritans.org.uk/

The Samaritans website offers a number of ways in which children, young people, parents or carers can contact them for advice and support about a range of issues.