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What is Domestic Abuse? In any relationship, there are ups and downs - sometimes people say and do things to each other that are not nice. But there's a difference between normal arguing and abusive, fighting behaviour in the home, which is called domestic violence. Domestic abuse and violence is when two people in a relationship (whether they are dating, living together, married or have children together (for example: between parents, boyfriend and girlfriend or between lesbian or gay couples) have violent arguments or fights which are hurtful and abusive…it doesn't always have to be physical, it can also include emotional abuse, financial abuse and sexual abuse. Many of these behaviours are crimes and against the law. "Domestic Violence is any form of physical, sexual, emotional or financial abuse which takes place within the context of a personal relationship" Physical abuse: hitting, pushing, throwing objects at the person, spitting, head butting, holding down, grabbing, bullying, bruising, slapping, kicking, knifing etc. Emotional or psychological abuse: shouting / swearing at, or persistent and deliberate undermining, (name calling i.e. whore, slag etc) threatening bullying, insulting, humiliating, constant criticism, intimidation, threats to harm children, family members, not allowing access to food, sleep or freedom or tracking movements by texting constantly. Sexual abuse: rape, degradation, assault, any sexual activity where the other person does not give consent or is forced against their will. This is often combined with physical violence. Financial (or material) abuse: Deny access to money, taking a person's income, being prevented from getting or keeping a job, illegal or improper use of a person's property, i.e. withholding money, or other belongings, or destroying possessions. Abuse is not an accident, it is behaviour that is done on purpose and it makes the other person feel frightened or bad about themselves. Loads of stuff can cause domestic abuse and violence to happen, it could be going on for years and not even the perpetrators always understand that it's wrong or why they even do it. It can happen to anyone. Whether male or female, whatever colour, religion or sexuality, young or old. Violence and abuse are the same thing. See the download or the link to the hideout website below for more information which can explain more about domestic abuse and violence. Effect of domestic abuse on children and young people Experiencing domestic abuse or violence can be very hard and upsetting. You may be feeling alone, frightened, depressed, confused or isolated. Your school work may be suffering, you may be experiencing difficulties in making friends and relationships, or you may be harming yourself in some way as a means of coping with the circumstances at home. "I wanted to hide behind the curtains, didn't want to see or hear it" Young girl
"When all this was happening, I used to be quiet. I used to pretend I was not listening. I used to watch TV or try to do my homework" Young boy
"That's what I always do- I lie awake at night. I still do. I make myself be awake so I can jump up when it happens and get between them… its important that I don't get to sleep for my mum's sake.. I have to help my mum… otherwise he might hurt her really badly" Young boy You may feel in some way responsible for the violence which is taking place - remember…. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT! YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE! You may feel guilty you cannot protect the parent who is being subjected to violence. IT IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO PROTECT YOUR PARENT. You may feel you are being disloyal to the parent who is being violent by speaking about what is happening within the home to other people. A PARENT WHO IS VIOLENT NEEDS HELP JUST AS THE PARENT WHO IS BEING SUBJECTED TO VIOLENCE NEEDS HELP. These are all natural feelings to have and feelings which you can talk through with someone who understands what you are going through. DON'T TRY TO COPE ON YOUR OWN - TRY TO GET AS MUCH HELP AND SUPPORT FOR YOURSELF AS YOU CAN. Advice for young people Young people who experience domestic abuse can find it difficult to talk to people about it. They might be afraid that social services or the police will get involved and in many situations they don't want to get a parent into trouble, they just want the abuse to stop. By getting support or talking to someone you will not be betraying anyone or get people into trouble.
There are also specialist domestic abuse services which you can contact for further information, help or support. Help and support in Brighton & Hove There are various safe places for young people to talk or get advice and support around domestic abuse issues in Brighton & Hove. Young people can get advice and information from the Youth Advice Centre, Young People's Centre or Safe and Sorted. See 'Map of Services' for more information. Safe as Houses Tel: (01273) 602 978 Women's Refuge Project There is a Children's & Young People's Service within the project Tel: (01273) 622822 Victim Support Victim Support Sussex helps Sussex residents cope with the effects of crime. They provide confidential support and information to victims of crime and to witnesses attending local courts. Their services are free, independent of the police and courts, and available to everyone, whether or not the crime has been reported and regardless of when it happened. Community Base, 113 Queens Rd, Brighton, BN1 3XG Tel: (01273) 234 009 email: victimsupport@communitybase.org Website: www.victimsupport.org.uk/ Alternatively you can talk to your Connexions PA, Teacher, Youth Worker, friends, family or someone you trust. National help and support services SupportLine Tel:020 8554 9004or email: info@supportline.org.uk - Telephone Helpline providing confidential emotional support to Children, Young People and Adults on any issue including domestic violence. Keeps details of other agencies, support groups and counsellors throughout the UK Childline Tel: 0800 1111 or visit www.childline.org.uk - Free national helpline for Children and Young People in danger or distress Get Connected Tel: 0808 808 4994, email help@getconnected.org.uk or visit www.getconnected.org.uk - Free telephone and email helpline finding young people the best help whatever the problem, can connect a child or young person to any UK helpline where appropriate National Youth Advocacy Service Tel: 0800 616101, email help@nyas.net or visit www.nyas.net - Provides information, advice, advocacy and legal representation to young people up to the age of 25 through a network of advocates through England and Wales NSPCC Tel: 0808 800 5000 (Free phone), email help@nspcc.orguk or visit www.nspcc.org.uk - For anyone concerned about a child at risk of abuse. Women's Aid number Women's Aid is the national charity working to end domestic violence against women and children. They can provide a range of advice and information to children and young people. Tel: 0808 2000 247(Freephone 24 Hour National Domestic Violence Helpline) Links The hide out is a great website designed for young people to give them information, advice and support about domestic abuse/violence and how it can affect the family. www.nspcc.org.uk/home/needadvice/domesticviolence.htm The NSPCC site gives information to the family about domestic abuse/violence and provides information to parents about how domestic abuse can affect their children. This is a great website designed for young people which explores everyone's right to a life free from violence, abuse and threat. Website for 12-16 year olds - including confidential online advice about a range of issues from and offering advice and support if you're worried about something and need some help. There 4 U can help with loads of issues like abuse, bullying, exams, drugs and self harm. Website created by the NSPCC which offers a range of advice and support to young people about a range of issues. The Direct Gov website provides a lot of information and advice about domestic violence, what it is and what to do if you or someone else is being hurt. The site also has links and advice about who you can turn to for help and support. www.womensrefugeproject.org.uk/ The website can direct you to local numbers and resources which can provide help and support. |
